I'm sitting in the dining room at 7.30am writing this. It's dark outside still, with rain and occasional lightning as the wet season continues to build here in Mokpo, South Korea. The windows are fogged up by condensation and water, allowing me to see the port about as clearly as I currently see my current life and future on Doulos.
I know that what job I actually do is quite minor, really, and that I'm here to serve, and it's God's choice what He asks me to do, nevertheless, I'm finding it intensely frustrating, and hard to focus on what I have to do day to day, and know how to spend my time. I was told (again) yesterday that I will be told for sure by the end of the week...
Tomorrow morning I'm taking a team of 4 people who I've never spoken with together (one of whom I've never met!) to do a 90 minute kids programme. I was told on Sunday afternoon that I was in charge. I was also told I had 2 steppers (who are tour guides, and so don't really speak english) and one from the new preship, who I've never really spoken with. So I tried to arrange a meeting that night, and told them as best I could.
None of them showed up.
So I spoke with the one from the new preship, who was working at the book-ex, and so couldnt come to any meetings. I arranged a programme, and told her what I needed her to do.
I managed to find one of the steppers, but I don't really know what she will do. We arranged to meet this evening to sort out her Bible story, but she never showed again. and I still havent met the other stepper/volunteer.
So I phoned today the host, and she wants to take us for lunch. So I said it was 4 of us.Then this evening I saw the notice board for e-days, and we have someone else joining the team!! So I hope I can see them at breakfast tomorrow, and maybe we have to skip devotions or something to prepare.
I really hate just bulldozing over the others, especially the steppers and just making them translate or something, but then the ballance between "the show must go on" and also "Doulos is about people".
To make it worse, Creative Ministries are closed all Monday, and by the time I'd found out I was in charge and thought about ideas on Sunday, they had also finished. So I havent been able to get any drama music CDs, or props, or costumes, or anything. They dont "open" until 9am tomorrow! Which is the time we're being picked up. I'll try to speak to one of them tomorrow at breakfast.
The host's expectations sound quite high of us, and I am really unsure of how it will all go. We're totally unprepared, and I'm struggling with feeling inadequate and cynical.
Just 4 days ago we had another crazy programme, a "mini-international night" which a church told us to produce at a concert hall they had booked without checking if it was a good idea with us first. So I was roped in and after work went along, having just taught 6 people that afternoon our cultural Scottish dance to perform... When we got there, we discovered one of the costumes missing, and so I had to re- teach them the 3 couple version backstage while the show had already started! We were totally unprepared, but somehow they managed to remember their steps.
The audience was about 80 kids and a few adults, who were there before we arrived and watched us troop in to the theatre and even practice how we would come out to bow at the end. I was feeling quite flippant and cynical by the end. It was an okay show, but what was the point!?
THEN... As we sat in the bus about to head back, a lady climbed up and spoke to all of us: "Thank you all for what you told us. Because of you, I now have strength to believe in Jesus".